It seems to be, that against my better judgement,I have fallen into a pit again. The greys and the blacks are slowly turning into a kaleidoscope of colour once more and I have only you to blame for it.I wanted to clutch the past for a while longer and extend my lonely pity party for one that I had gotten used to.But you aren’t letting me do that.
It feels like I have been given a second chance to heal my heart and feel whole again. This time I know you will definitely break my heart but still, like before, I will be unprepared for it when the time comes.Some lessons can’t be learnt so easily I guess.
I have never written about what it feels to *be* in love.I have only written about the aftermath of heartbreak.This time I think I will.Because I don’t think I’ll be lucky or blessed enough to experience something as precious as this again.Ever.I want to keep this wonderful feeling bottled up so that later when I feel lonely and heartbroken I can perhaps get some solace in seeing these words again.
You make me as giggly as a 15 year old teenager who is in love for the first time.You make me so happy that I can’t hide it.People mistakenly think that it is because of my new job and I don’t bother to correct them. You terribly whimsical and impulsive person,you.You are so easy to talk to.I love the way you write,the magic that is in your words.That sincere and genuine person with a wickedly hilarious sense of humour under all those layers of cynicism and sarcasm.That person who cares so deeply about others yet will never admit it.I love you, for just being you.You make me so hopeful for better tomorrows.You,the one with the boyish smile and puppy eyes that can warm any cold heart.You make me melt into such a helpless puddle.I hate you for that.So much.:-)
I love you.So easily.So effortlessly.But then you already know that,don’t you?:-)
Your Selina Kyle
PS-I didn’t know that that ‘nerds’ could be so amazingly sexy and entertaining before you came along.:-)
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It’s that time of the year when my birthday comes rolling around,like the tinkling of an ice cream vendor but when you come running out,it’s just another guy selling pots and pans.
I am at a viable die-able age,like Ammu was in ‘The God of Small Things’. Not so young and yet somehow strangely not so old either.
Starting to learn the that it’s the little joys that light your way in the darkness and not the sun.The sun as glorious as it is,can burn you to cinders if you aren’t careful.
Learning that as a musician dies so does a bit of your memories.That the same music that held you in a warm,melting embrace can leave you with a tinge of melancholy sadness.
Learning that as pitted and pocked and scarred your body is,it’s yours.That you can offer comfort in a hug.That you have more good hair days and even more better hair days.:) That fat comes and goes,it’s the words that people heartlessly say what stays.
Learning that your parents are your mirror to the future.What they are now,is what you would probably become.And it doesn’t faze you anymore.Hoping to get your mother’s kindness & quiet positivity and your father’s braveness & courage to take a stand.
You are all what you hate.And all what you love.I am slowly starting to accept my self for the way I am.
In the end,you keep yourself strong.You hold yourself together and mend all the broken pieces.You make your self happy.
Happy Birthday to me. 🙂
Unspoken promises can’t ever be broken.
Cause they don’t even exist.
Hack at the words coiled around your wrist.
How can I ever tell you how much I love you? 🙂
How do I tell you how much you mean to me? 🙂
Don’t go to sleep now.Heh. 🙂
You are searching so hard,
you’ve lost yourself.
God was looking down at the world,as he usually did on melancholy days,
you know,the ones where he was bored to tears.
Oh there,he saw, a silly human was making plans in that silly human way.
God grinned when he saw it get all excited about dreams coming true.
God was still laughing when he crushed them.
I was the silent one in the temple of the Goddess Athena.The others used to tease me good naturedly calling me Medusa the Dreamer,she with her head always in the clouds.I was happy then.It seems like another lifetime now.
I feel my heart growing heavier and the rage growing again inside.The coiled serpents on my head have started to unravel and have started to hiss as they feel my mood growing darker.In the beginning,I was almost driven to insanity by the sound like a thousand whispers in my head that I was unable to get rid of.But now they offer me some cold comfort.Like water being turned to vapour over molten lava.I stroke them with my scarred hands.Wounds from many a sword fight.From the vile men who tried to slay me so that they could mount my head like a trophy from a cowardly victory,a sign of their puny virility.It is cold in the cave where I am,the chill magnified by the petrified bodies of fallen men.Most of them frozen into forever surprised, forever wretched grimaces.I know not what has shocked them more, the blood in their veins ossifying without their consent or the fact that it was a woman who got the better of them.
My serpents are the only ones who offer me solace in my loneliness.I talk to them like I used to talk to my beloved friends.The other vestal virgins in the temple.I feel the tears starting to fall and bite my lip hard to stop myself from crying.For it is all in vain.When the very Gods have forsaken me.When the very Gods have cursed me.And so I wait for the prophecy to come true.A slow countdown to my end.It will be a relief to leave this world.A world where I am so reviled and so hated.There is nothing to keep me from holding on.
The vipers have quietened down.I am unable to sleep.And I go back to the past again.As I do every night.Like a nightmare that has been burnt into my soul’s skin.
Feeling sick to the pit of my stomach